Thursday, September 16, 2010

Blonds and the Biharis

You are witness to the never ending spectre of Biharis milling in every industrial and construction site, every railway station, every city and everywhere across the globe. Even as speculations about possible extinction of people with the beautiful blond hair is making headlines, the population of Bihari speaking people are swelling like the river Kosi in monsoon. It is estimated that the number of Biharis in India alone have crossed a whoopping 82 million as per the 2001 census. Besides the Bihar Industries Association is said to have estimated the number of Biharis outside India at a staggering 20 million, which is almost a quarter of the state’s population.
There is no estimate of the blond population in the world. But the blonds seem to have by nature preferred small family and in certain cases, no child norm. Speculations about extinction of the blonds may not be true. But one thing is clear. The blond’s population lags behind in one crucial aspect-multiplication. Compared with others like the Biharis.
The blonds are naturally beautiful. The world may have millions of efficient, intelligent and able-bodied Asians, Blacks or Hispanic. But a blond is a blond. The only competition comes from another blond.
Ironically the bonds population is not multiplying like others like the Biharis. A stagnant population means that the level of inter-blond competition will either remain stagnant or come down eventually. A time may come when a blond hair is preserved in museums. If you have the nerve, imagine the day when a black man will take the role of a 007 top British Spy in the Hollywood thriller series.
And if such a day comes, your brothers from Bihar may become even more assertive than merely being a bhelpuri seller in Mumbai streets.
Someday you may hear a Bhojpuri accent from some barefooted Bihari lasses in James bond movies. Or some progenies of Shatrugan Sinha might be contesting for the role of the British top spy. After all reports from some British tabloids have never rubbished such a possibility.
And if a Bihari plays a leading role in a James Bond movie, even a Zomi from the far eastern corners of India might as well grab a role in the next movie. Yes there is no dearth of talent and determination against odds like ‘discrimination’. You have world champions in boxing and MMA, which is short for maximum martial arts, if I am not mistaken.
If some day a Zomi MMA champion takes the role of a villain in a bond movie, he is most likely to invite bond to an exotic locale in the banks of Tuivai. A game of cards between heroes from East and the West.
In India, a 90 mm frame with a casino, aclub hall or a bar seldom discounts an item number.
So, you will find a thatched roof hall well adorned with light works of Uptown cable and a bollywood item from a scantily clad punjabi girl descending the illuminated steps with a Chaiya Chaiya remix with toppings in traditional mizo by some Aizawlian.
Then only commences the game. James Bond on the one side and a Zomi kungfu master on the other, eclipsing the rest- a Chinese noodles tycoon, an Arab businessman, mafiosos of Italian or Russian origin, etc. gracing the desk.
The dialogue may easily be like “a putting (not ‘a put’)” if James Bond is a Bihari.
The villain, in deep trouble would be asking, “Exkiuuse mee?”
“Putting, Putting,sunna? you hear?” repeats Bond.
This'd hardly clear the confusion. The Zomi has to ascertain if that’s a put.
“Do you meeen a Put mister Bawwn”. Suddenly Bond'd lost Patience.
And he would say, “Arre same yaar, put ya putting. Mung dekta saala!”

Thus an era of Indian Istyle commences in the world post blond domination.